a broken tune

i lost my way in life... i don't know where i'm going. i lost interest in studies, can't be bothered by choir and most disappointingly, being un-noticed in dance, even by him....

people kept on thinking that i was great, balancing my stuff well. but i'm not. i'm a normal person who needs encouragement. maybe i needed more attention than what i thought i needed. i really dunno how to get back my driving force...

choir... i miss singing... i'm losing the techniques... others take one year or less to get their stuff right. my was hardcore practice for 3 plus years just to acheive an average standard. but who cares now... i'm insignificant there, why am i wasting my time?

dance. it used to be an escape place for me. i used to forget everything when i dance. i would be happy and relaxed. through dance, people could see a different side of me, an other light of nerdy amy lim. but now, people don't even know i'm dancing for any performance.... and when they ask for a performance like just like that, i go blank like that. what's wrong... it is dance. he is now one of them, one of those who didn't know where i was in the entire dance item...

a tedious practice

the exams are over... haix... and my results sucks... i tried getting the thought out of my mind like forever, but it just stays there. argh... i really can't take it. still have monday to collet the results. i was most disappointed in myself for maths. it was my forte. why... i'm sorry to my friends who needed support. i can't pick myself up from my fall. i can't encourage them to go on... i'm sorry chen and mel... i'm not there for u all... esp chen who sits beside me somemore...

credits to johannes. he brought me out to bugis. forget about the results for a while. bought a watch. tom-boyish. but we both found it interesting. :)

credits to peng ru, my mysterous friend. encouraged me by convincing me that it was just a practice. always find his words enlightening. said that he would pray for me today. :)

credits to sebastian. although he would give me a lot of stress, he would also give me encouragement. said that i wasn't that downcast before. encourage me by physcho-ing me. said that if i were to give up now, i will never beat my opponent. lolx. but he added, he would also try to beat me.

credits to my hands. haha. play basketball using all my might. could forget about things for a while. but i regretted. cuz now, they hurt!

keep going guys, i'll be there too. :)

(remember the setbacks, but don't let them hinder you.) quoted by peng ru

my break before my dawn

you shattered my heart again. at least for the third time in this week. the first time was when you said you were tired of this relationship. at that moment, i immediately felt that you were like any other person in my life, who would leave me alone for any time of my life.

the second time was when u asked if i missed you and i said i didn't then you said you did not want to know the reason. what i was about to say later on was not any reason but what i wanted to say is that i've missed you a lot.

the third time was today when you smsed me to tell me about your trust in me. i felt that you were like any other person in my life, who would eventually give up on me until i proved myself again.

from these three occasions, your position has dropped several levels, i really did not know what to do. if i did sth, you would not be surprised, if i did not do sth, you would say that i did not think.

i felt like a jinx, causing ppl to feel unhappy. it's because of me that my grandmother has conflicts with her children, it's because of me that my parents become calculating with one another, it's because of me that you are unhappy. you once told me tt it was because i did not know how to make ppl happy. i've tried but to no avail.

i blamed myself for your results, i think you did not know that. everytime you felt bad, i felt even worse. i guessed that your family would have disliked me because of this. whenever you started talking any related to your results, i did not dare to say anything.

(high expectations to meet...)

an obstacle in my dance

haix... why does he always say this gal interesting tt gal interesting... it's very irritating lor... am i like invisible? i get jealous like super easily lah. and i try to avoid guys as much as possible. although he might disagree to this but i can readily just shut the guy out and stop talking to him what. but can he? he always must talk finish then go away what. everything to reject a gal is against his principals. so how? Excuses.

i put myelf infront of everybody. ya, so what? i can he expect me not to do tt? when i grow up in an environment inexistance to everyone, with a surname with LIM, and with a blood disorder. my maternal side of my family don't like the Lim family and i dun know why. my pateernal side of my family only see sons as the important child. and who would like a sick child? so tell me, where do i belong? nowhere.

sometimes i feel very unwanted. i didn't even know why i was born to this place. i would blame my parents for this. if both sides can't get along, why get married? and if things go wrong, am i to blame? when i was growing up, i had two choices. one was to stop where i was, never to grow up, continue to live in an innocent world. the other is to get married, start a new life and forget about all these. but, till today i still dun have the answer.

my grandmother was the most important person in my life. i dunno but i feel very attached to her. she knew me although she didn't know how i felt sometimes.

maybe the husband that i'm looking for is someone who gives me love but he must be prepared to not receive as much love tt he gives me. i dun know how to love... really. if i really go and think of it, i actually live my life as time passes and nothing else.

(dancing as the lead princess awaiting for her prince which will never come riding on a white horse...)

dancing with my might

heys. went for cheerleading competition today. hahax. tiring snd LOUD. gd. lolx. credits to luo er for my hair, claire for my make-up and miss lini for my mascara. yup. thn we went out and everyone was like looking at us lah. i only know me and nicole keep 'jimming' people who stared. haha. he had to go for family dinner. got angry over it lah cuz i really not going for piano lesson with my make-up alone. i know it's unreasonable. lyk wat he said, even luo er and nic know the situation but why can't i. how i wished to tell him tt he was super important to me. although to the world he might be one person, but to one person he means the world. i was on the verge of tears lah. cuz i wanted to share the joy with him but it turned out like tt. he always say tt i dun think. i think and think and think and found myself making one big round. i couldn't forget my family situation. it kind of makes me afraid to know to like to love another person. my only wish when i was young was to make the world happier for everybody. it has always been my wish but i saw it drifting apart until i could not get hold of it anymore. i'm afraid to know one more family. tt's why i didn't want to get so close to his family. i need time. lots of time. to heal the hurt i have been feeling for the past years...

a new chapter of my dance

heys. started this new blog. wanted a new chapter. haha. the pink ballet shoes doesn't mean tt i dance ballet only, i'm into hip-hop. but the ballet shoes reminds me of my 'career' in dance. tt was where i started. so, sit back and i present to u... a dance by pink ballet shoes.