Friday, March 24, 2006

my break before my dawn

you shattered my heart again. at least for the third time in this week. the first time was when you said you were tired of this relationship. at that moment, i immediately felt that you were like any other person in my life, who would leave me alone for any time of my life.

the second time was when u asked if i missed you and i said i didn't then you said you did not want to know the reason. what i was about to say later on was not any reason but what i wanted to say is that i've missed you a lot.

the third time was today when you smsed me to tell me about your trust in me. i felt that you were like any other person in my life, who would eventually give up on me until i proved myself again.

from these three occasions, your position has dropped several levels, i really did not know what to do. if i did sth, you would not be surprised, if i did not do sth, you would say that i did not think.

i felt like a jinx, causing ppl to feel unhappy. it's because of me that my grandmother has conflicts with her children, it's because of me that my parents become calculating with one another, it's because of me that you are unhappy. you once told me tt it was because i did not know how to make ppl happy. i've tried but to no avail.

i blamed myself for your results, i think you did not know that. everytime you felt bad, i felt even worse. i guessed that your family would have disliked me because of this. whenever you started talking any related to your results, i did not dare to say anything.

(high expectations to meet...)

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