finally it's friday again.
had a freaking emo week once more.
dance practice ended around fivel. not complaining. just not enjoying.
not that i dun like dancing. it;s just that the people there are fantastic. make u feel super worthless.
i shouldn't bitch about them just yet. ha.

feel that my world is crushing down.
i suck in studies, sports, dance, look. what more?
i dun mind being a bimbo to make up all that loss. but plz. i can't even make the mark.
going to school with a dreadful feeling everyday is not what i expect after the Os.

sometimes i wonder. would my life be so much better in a poly?
i wanted to go there since sec 3. did my Os with the aim of doing well that's all.
it's NOT a form of degradation.
why wouldn't my parents understand? im NOT cut out for JC.
do they know i struggled a lot with school, having depression for almost everyday now?
and this did not start in JC but since sec 3?
apparently. they don't. period. and assume everything is fine.
they're Not in spore for half the year.
i know they have to work for our good.
in that case. i know myself best. i know how to do well under the right conditions.
i understand they want me to make it to U. but seeing the cut off for the courses.
beyond my reach. definitely.

i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
hate being me nowadays.
hate going to school pretending that im alright when im not.
hate being happy when im not.
hate using emo as an excuse to all my problems.
hate it when i can't take it mentally and physically anymore.
hate going to bed in tears every night.
love it when the lecturer walked out of the CC today. totally deserve it.
love to drop dead.
love to drop college.
I HATE EVERYTHING!!!