finally it's friday again.
had a freaking emo week once more.
dance practice ended around fivel. not complaining. just not enjoying.
not that i dun like dancing. it;s just that the people there are fantastic. make u feel super worthless.
i shouldn't bitch about them just yet. ha.

feel that my world is crushing down.
i suck in studies, sports, dance, look. what more?
i dun mind being a bimbo to make up all that loss. but plz. i can't even make the mark.
going to school with a dreadful feeling everyday is not what i expect after the Os.

sometimes i wonder. would my life be so much better in a poly?
i wanted to go there since sec 3. did my Os with the aim of doing well that's all.
it's NOT a form of degradation.
why wouldn't my parents understand? im NOT cut out for JC.
do they know i struggled a lot with school, having depression for almost everyday now?
and this did not start in JC but since sec 3?
apparently. they don't. period. and assume everything is fine.
they're Not in spore for half the year.
i know they have to work for our good.
in that case. i know myself best. i know how to do well under the right conditions.
i understand they want me to make it to U. but seeing the cut off for the courses.
beyond my reach. definitely.

i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
hate being me nowadays.
hate going to school pretending that im alright when im not.
hate being happy when im not.
hate using emo as an excuse to all my problems.
hate it when i can't take it mentally and physically anymore.
hate going to bed in tears every night.
love it when the lecturer walked out of the CC today. totally deserve it.
love to drop dead.
love to drop college.
I HATE EVERYTHING!!!

heya. in school using the com. lolx. super sian. half an hour more to econs lecture. one and a half more hour to dance. around four hours more to meet dear.

super long never update. but all i can say is. school's super boring. what else can you say about school? haix. unablt to grasp topics and do tutorials. try try try also no use so try for what. waste time.

still have pe. gosh.

looking forward to dye my hair and wear coloured contacts can.

mood super like the weather. raining heavily. explains the drastic change in my blogskin.

gtg. i'll update about my bdae next time.

i've got stories to tell...
happiness to share...
times when i fell...
but ure not there...

sorry for the late entry. haha. too many things been happening this week. too busy too moody. but here i am!!!

ok. im going to start with dear's concert. ARGH! jealous one word. sucks another word. but i gotta admit. dear was nice looking and super cute on that day. hope he doesn't see this just in case his head get to big. thanks to his darling(me) can. to contibuting dance steps and also to his looks. hee. to all the girls out there. i know he's cute. but sorry. he's already taken. HE"S MINE!!! =P.

then broke down in school last tues. haha. just can't take it lah. school. homework. discipline. dear's concert. jealously. thanks to nicole for bringing me to the gallery. knew she didn't really like to go there. lolx.

then went out on last thurs to watch movie with dear. just follow law. nice show. u all should watch!!!

dear took back his A level result last fri. not very good lah. thought i saw his eyes shiny. but. nevermind dear! darling also here! i'll help you shine in mine exams k? dear can make it de, he's just lazy. went out with shi hao and shi ying to kbox. quite tiring lor. sit and sing for 4 hrs. luckily there was buffet. lolx. then we played DOTA before catching our midnight movie. of cuz. me and dear lost. what do u expect?! lolx. then went to arcade to play the... err.. dunno what it's called. u know. that kind where u hit this flat round thing between 2 sides? haha. that lor. me and dear won. all 3 times. haha. then we caught our midnight movie- im a cyborg but it's ok. seriously. i almost fell asleep. haha. then we went home after tt. first to knock out. lolx. youngest there can. sorry dear for being angry at the end. darling jealous what. blea.

sat. he came over my house to have steamboat. haha. sun. went to air force exibition at marina square. yup. that's all for dear and me.

today 2nd last day in school. although i always pon-ing school. actually will kinda miss some of the peeps in 07S04. haha. luckily my 'si dang' chee yae is DSA. =P. janet and nicole too!!! catch ya guys in school!!!

yea! completed another full day of school. laoz. tomorrow until 4.30pm. how to last. getting quite irritated with this kind of life. i dun even think the teachers are taking it seriously can. the time-table is like shit. lectures are just 'photo-copying' sessions and nap time. tutorials are the times that we finish our HOMEwork. rather stay at home and do it myself lor. what the hack man.

some tutors not bad lah. super like my physics tutor. hehave the patience and sincerity to teach lah. others arh. my civis tutor. even worse. does she even know which is her class during assembly. we had this ang pao dress competition thing in sch. she was supposed to be our stupid model. that later she backed out cuz our design was ugly. please lah. she very pretty meh. the ang paos look nicer i suppose. be glad we even had something decent for her.

aiya. quite sad lor. had a little distraction of attention away from dear recently. no gd no gd. after thinking and reading some things. what am i thinking manx. the person and me is bu ke neng one lor. still feel that dear's THE BEST! though we had many 'talks'. went to bai nian at his house yesterday. haha. took care of me. had gastrics again. luckily he had a solution to it.

oh ya. to those who have seen the earring that i've been wearing since this year. it's a DRAGON! not a MERLION! lolx. more than one person have said that to me already lah.

happy chinese new year everyone!!!

just got back from malaysia. wow. surprised at how i managed to pass 3 days there doing nothing but just DAY-DREAMING! ok lah. i went shopping on the 2nd day. but seriously. i couldn't find anything nice there. found some. but dad didn't allow. too punkster. i didn't have anything to say. then he blame me for leading my bro into it and accused me of having weird taste. -_-". lolx. made my bro so super unhappy.

bought a bag and a tianzhu from malaysia. tianzhu's supposed to bring me love and harmonious family relationships. lolx. dad was asking me if i wanted to get dear one. -_-". then asked mum what i wanted it for. since she asked if i wanted it or not. answer was 'why not. can love me more.' ok lor.

saw i nice t-shirt for johannes. bro says it's gay. so forget it. saw another stripped polo tee for johannes. bro says it wasn't nice. ok. fine. then saw a nice wallet. but... nevermind lah.

ok lor. that's my new year. sianz. good night guys. going to get some quality sleep.

happy valentine's day to all!!!

haha. was actually plan-less today. and i also completed one full day of school. gd job. lolx. nic went off at 1.

so i went back hihs for dance after school. things are getting complicated there. there are like 3 groups there. wow. haha. so.. everything's quite tedious lah. but it's ok everyone. JIA YOU!!!

helped clare by teaching the dance routine to the sec 1s. quite serious lah. they're back for the 3rd time lah. aiyo. but now things so strict. haix. i think arh. if i were them. i'll totally flunk every audition.

yup. after dance. because of some last minute changes. went for dinner with my good pal- peng ru! haha. really got to thank him for lots of things lah. yup. we went to serangoon garden chomp chomp. ordered satay, bbq stingray and carrot cake. haha. gotta say it's nice. thanks for the recommandation! was eating half way when i saw nic and joel. strangely enough. before that i had a feeling that she'll be there. haha. then she kept on disturbing me lah. not shy one leh. haha. we ate finish before them lah. well. we started eating much earlier. haha. not bad. we managed to finish everything. lolx.

then he took me to ice3 for dessert. cool place. very cool. haha. like what he said. things there very slow-paced. very comfy. yup. ordered ice cream and chocolate fondue. talked about life. haha. the ice cream that we ordered was like in 3 different flavours lah. chocolate, banana and coffee. and i thought it all about chocolate. lolx. surprisingly. i managed to finish it. haha. thought i couldn't lah. then he totally loved his chocolate fondue. haha. managed to finish mostly by hiimself also. haha. tried some of it too. sinful. lolx. the things we ordered was meant to share de lah. who knows. "P. oh ya. nic and gang also went to the place. haha. strangely. before that i had the feeling again. nic was 'watching' us most of the time.

received a balloon. haha. nic passed it to him and he passed it to me. haha. left there quite late. around 9.40pm like that. like the place alot lah. but can't stay le lah. afraid of dark. yup. he took the bus with me to amk. then he took the bus back to hougang and i took my train. was walking like super fast home. scary can. then outside my door. found a pink rose on my shoe. weird. no card. nothing. haha. not from my dear also. yup. so that's my vdae to you. haha.

dear: thank you for everything!!! (K)

peng ru: thank you for the dinner!!! =]

pink rose: thank you!!! :D

my gal frens: luv u guys!!! "P

today's the eve of valentine's day. haha. dear and me decided to go celebrate today to avoid the crowds tomorrow.

actually the plan was to go vivo lah. or else is suntec for jap buffet. but becuz he lost his atm and had to top up his cashcard. so we had limited budget. he suggested dinner at his place which i din really go with it. then he mention parkway which i thought had nothing. then he give in to me again. haha. thank you dear. went to suntec lor. but we can't find the carpark. so we ended up in marina square. "P.

ok. then my jap buffet became a jap fast food. yoshinoya. haha. weird. but dear not bad lah. he bought the valentine dinner set. haha. looks yummy bah. i tell u. the ice cream strawberry. erhm. i really dun like it. too cold!!

went to walk after eating. haha. was looking for what i wanted. but i want so many things lah. so i decided to ask him to buy something that i wouldn't buy for myself. plush toy. lolx. love the banana from action city. but it's not in the store lah. so dear fetched me to J8 and also shun bian pick up his bro.

yup. found it. haha. totally love it. love you too dear!

today's the day when the O level results are released.

met up with chen first at sengkang. took the train to hougang. waited for mich and nic.it was around 2. much earlier than the time we were expected to be in school which was 2.30pm lah. then nevermind lor. we kiasu. haha. but.. once we got out of the mrt station. we saw many like us. lolx. "P.

we were told to go to the hall once we reached school lah. okiex. nevermind. some things starts early. the hall was FILLED WITH PEOPLE once we were there lah. scary~.

ok. then the real thing starts. after mr anba brief us through the registration processes. mrs wong took over. went through the results of each subject. okiex. VERY NERVOUS. the more slides she went through. my heart was beating faster. couldn't take it lah. had to hold on to nic's hand. then came the slide of the top pupils.

i was like OMG!!!! dunno what i was feeling lah. feeling mixed i guess. wanted to cry wanted to laugh. didn't know what to do lah. manx. MY NAME WAS ON THE SLIDE!!! was like double checking if it's real or not lah. luckily gab was also one of the top. went up to stage with him. manx. scary. head hurt real bad after that. stressed i guess. haha.

yup. the top pupils were (in order) :
yanxin, wen jie. xiang yi, dawn, gab and me!
they went by the number of As we had.

then we went back to sit. then nic said"amy! u straight As leh!". haha. okiex. din noticed that. lolx. then according to register we went to take the results. took mine. was the best result slip i've seen so far lah. then got busy calling everyone about the results. haha. the best part of the day was after the results. cuz EVERYONE OF US DID WELL YEA!!!

nic, mich, liling, gab all had 9 points. me and joyanne had 10 points. chen, alvin and luo er had 11 points. hooray to all of us! (ok lah. time to tell the truth. although the went by the number of As we had for the top, most of mine was A2s. haha.)

sad part is i never got to meet allen. haix. kinda miss him lah.nope i have absoutely no contact of him with me. sad. really made the tuition class i had with him interesting. haha. dunno why. he was in pure chem tuition class. but who cares. =]

congrats everyone!!! cheer up qiying and elvent!! =]

a skip of beat

skipped school today. again. haha.

meet nicole after school. went to vivo. manx. the bus ride there was like... long. imagine fianally arriving at the place.

went to shop around. loads of SAJC peeps. it's like everywhere i go. sure see. even at the washroom. looked for dear's prezzie. giodarno there boxers dun have his size. went to topman and bought this. (see pic above). haha. yup. green.

then we went to candy empire. sweet. haha. then home lor.

decided to take some pics of myself when i reached home. haha. vain-pot. lolx. my mum helped me bought the top. lolx. luv it. thanks!!!

prom night!

prom night!!! haha. finally here already. yup, this is THE day. lolx. so sad lah. becuz of budget limit, can't get nicer make-up and hair-do. but i'm happy. lolx.

credits to my dear. for driving me around and also helping me take my things whenever i need help. have to lah. if not. manicure in danger.

credits to luo er. for asking darren to have a pic with me. haha. credits to him too. Thanks!

credits to people at my table. for making the whole event interesting as compared to that stupid DJ. gna miss you guys so much!

and after seeing the pics throughout the four years. u see and u know it. i should seriously start dieting!!!

hong kong trip

ok. this is the hong kong trip with the choir! dear went with me. we went to disneyland too!

although the trip have some bad moments. but it was a good experience. esp the shopping part! haha. i think i kinda neglected dear's concern during the trip. having fun mah. sorry dear!

oh ye. the last pic. dear had to half squat so that i dun look so short. haha. so he kinda looked weird there.

3 and 4 Hum

heys. this is my upper sec class, 3 and 4 hum! haha. nice people there. the guys are so gentlemen lah. love all of these people so much. thanks for making my secondary school life interesting.

could still remember we had singing sessions, designing competition and acting lessons in class. and of course. appreciating mich self-entertainment with her lame jokes. haha.

spect in older years

welcome.

this is spectgang in the upper sec years.

haha. got difference right?

actually have more one but not enough space. we spend loads of time together kiez.

spect in younger years

this is spect gang. haha. eccentric.

Irritating mich, grumpy mel, blur er, serious chen, sleepy hong li, xiao kiah wee and me, pms amy.

these are us in our lower sec years.

dancers! what can i say?

ok. these are the pictures of me and dance. there's more actually. but first, i have received from others yet and also i dunno how to upload pics till it looks nice. haha. so just do with it for now k? haha.

wow. gotta say. our make-up in the 2nd pic is so... terrible. gosh. have to thank miss lini for the nice make-up in the other 2 pics. Thanks Miss Lini!!!

PSL of 1 Hope 05

feel like uploading pics today. looking back at the sweet moments. lolx. enjoy peeps!

PSL group for Sec 1 hope 05:

From left:

Yu Xuan, Darran, Liang Sheng, Zoe and me!

tired of the song

jc's so sian... going to be send for detention. din go for cross country. when teacher ask whether i had an excuse. my immediate answer was 'no'. kinda dumb when i start thinking about this. haha. please lah. my eye pain can anot. wasn't thinking properly. screw the damn teacher. idiot. why do i keep getting this kind of teachers...

1 more week to valentine's day. still no news from him. haix. think i'm going to get my gal frens some sweet bites. my boyfriend a pair of boxers? and maybe something for some of the lucky guy frens. haha.

oh manz. 'O's results this week. scared. nervous. anxiety. stress. hope i'll do just fine. haix. dunno why. got tt kind of feeling tt i'll do worst compared to my prelims. haix. just hoping i can get a B for english, maintain my standard for the sciences and humanities, and an A for both my maths. hope they dun moderate lor. my maths can barely reach a A. why so ma fan one... hmm...

a break of rhythm

went out to bugis with him today. dunno why. he was so moody. said he was tired. but who knows. tried to keep him cheerful. succeded for a while then it dead. say me somemore. (pout). how to go shopping with this kind of mood. totally could have just gone myself lah. it would be more relaxing also. please lah. was so looking forward to today lor.

the purpose today was to buy my shoe. dunno how to put pics in blogs or else i could have shown you. yarz. found some nice ones atbugis street but all the sizes were too big. size 8? for the ones i super like. size 6? for the gal's type. pur..lease. i'm only a size 4. -_-". then i found one not bad at bugis juction edge. cost me $49! still is display and last pair lah. then both sides felt quite uneven lah cuz one was the display one. okok. say me stupid lah. but i super want the shoe. tried to hint him about a custom made one for me for valentine. but guess he din catch the hint. it might have cost cheaper too. but it would have taken a much longer time. wanted to wear it this week. see lah. i'm so starting to regret buying the shoe. and it cost so much more than the one in bugis street. (pout).

then i waited for mich at bugis cuz she wanted to change something. lolx. she was so angry when she found out the shop wasn't open. but because of a kind soul, we managed to find out when the shop was opening. so... mich waited and i went home. he went off first because he had something on.

he didn't know the shoe i bought was the last pair and all the complains i made earlier. i knew he wanted to say something but he didn't want to but i still insisted. said i was too desperate in buying the shoe. ok. i am. told you. wanted a custom made one but...

valentine's coming. actually i had a whole list of gifts that i wanted and planned to go for jap buffet that day. but now. i will just keep quiet. avoid being said of spending too much money. ok lor. i'll start to save for the things i want to get myself. dun even know what to buy for him. wanted to buy wallet but he said dun need. so nevermind. if not he'll say me again. gosh. valentine's going to be boring this year. dun even think i'll be getting anything lah. i then dun want to think. if not later like our 3rd anneverary. planned things made nice couple tees in the end get scolding because waste money... haix. starting to wonder if i'll ever receive flowers or get some surprise that day. that's like so zero%.

talking about gifts. should i get some gifts for some nice peeps during this valentine/friendship period? i think i should. but budget kinda tight ya. thinking of getting a wallet for someone. wallet is very impt for a guy lah. serious. that's way when giving things to guys, wallets are the best. then of course some of my gal frens too! cookies? sweet.

i'm actually quite sad today lah. haix. just want somebody to go out HAPPILY with me lah. wanna be hugged so much. wish that someone would actually take the initiative to hold my hand lah. not just anyone. but... haix. it wun happen. been quite some time that he already hold my hand out of initiative. it was me lor.

want to cry too. results coming out this week. he's working like everyday except wkends? wanted him to be there just in case it was bad lah. if it's gd, also need to celebrate what. feel so alone. nvm. i'll be independent. on the day of the results. if anyone of u notice tt i'm quiet and disappear quite fast. i'll be at the bay of the esplanade. tt is if u want to find me. of course i'll be touched but who m i kidding? no one will go lor. johannes dun even know this blog. dun tell him hor. gave him enough hints about it already.

why life so miserable... haix... feel like crying manz. really, i do. but can't bring myself to do it. dun want to spoil the mood of my frens. but who will know lor as i've said. people dunno i have this blog. those who know, know tt i never blog. so... nvm. i'll turn to my pillow for a gd cry. as always. =]